Generational Cycles
Buses in Taiwan switch from requiring payment when you enter the bus to requiring it when you exit the bus. There’s a little sign that says which one it is at the particular time. But either way, you only have to pay once. However, sometimes it will switch mid-route, so some unlucky people who paid when they got on the bus end up having to pay again when they get off. Keep this in mind.
It’s not Father’s or Mother’s Day, but I was writing in my journal when I suddenly came to a great appreciation of Asian American parents. Here’s why.
The American Way
In many modern European and American cultures, parents are considered as having a responsibility to their children. They are expected to provide for them without any real expectations of direct repayment. In return, those children are expected to provide for their own children when they have them, which is tolerable because the new parents were provided for when they were younger, and they aren’t expected to repay their own parents. In this sense, children are a sort of a task that is completed when they leave home, and then the parent is no longer obligated to do anything. This is how the cycle goes. Gifts move down generations.
(old X supports young Y and then supports old self; old Y supports young Z and then supports old self) = (Y generation gives support twice and receives support twice)
The Asian Way
But in most Asian cultures, it’s the opposite. Children are considered as having a responsibility to their parents. The parents work hard to raise the children and pay for them when they are little, and it is expected that the children will grow up to support the parents in their old age. They are culturally obligated to do so. It’s a lot of pressure to be expected to directly repay your parents for raising you, but it’s tolerable because the children know that they will have their own children to provide for them later. In this sense, children are sort of an investment for the future. Gifts move up generations.
(X supports both young Y and old W; old Y supports young Z and old X, old Z supports young a and old Y) = (Y generation gives support twice and receives support twice)
The Asian American Way?
This is where the Asian American parents come in. They make the move to America, and not only are they changing locations, they are also changing paradigms of parenting and generational responsibility. They were most likely raised in a family and society espousing the Asian cycle of gifts moving up generations, but their children will be raised in a society (if not family) that espouses the American/European cycle of gifts moving downwards. So while the immigrant parents were raised with all the pressure of having to repay their Asian parents, their Asian American children often do not feel the cultural obligation to repay their immigrant parents. Or more often than not, the Asian American children feel the pressure to repay their parents and resent it, because according to their American worldview, children shouldn’t be expected to do this. The immigrant parents have to pay both when they get on the bus and when they get off. They support their parents with the incentive and expectation that they will be supported by their own children, but their children end up feeling bitter because their culture doesn’t hold the same values. The cycle of generational responsibility is reversed, and the immigrant parents are the fulcrum.
(old X supports both young Y and old W; old Y supports both old Z and young X; old Z supports young a and old self) = (Y generation, the immigrant parents, gives support twice but only receives support ONCE)
I feel like this causes many conflicts within Asian American families because the older generation feels cheated out of what they deserve, the right that they’ve earned by receiving and complying with pressure from their own parents. The younger generation, on the other hand, feels like they are receiving unfair pressure. I think understanding this can help both children and parents see from the other’s perspective. I’m not saying that any side is right or wrong, but understanding is one of the first steps towards peace.
The de Sosa Way
This isn’t strictly an Asian thing though. One of the reasons I am incredibly thankful for my father is that he also broke the cycle for us, his children. He’s paying twice on the bus. He spent tens of thousands of dollars paying his own way through college because his dad wouldn’t pay, and then he spent hundreds of thousands paying for ours. He expects no direct repayment, only that I do the same for my children. Because of his sacrifice, I’ve had the freedom to wander for the past year and a half instead of immediately having to find a job and start repaying student loans. I’ve finally found my direction, and I have him to thank. But he wouldn’t let me support him in his old age if I tried. No matter what, I will do the same for my own children.
(note: the generational cycle thing isn’t so much a product of Asian or European cultures. It has more to do with modernization and urbanization. In primarily rural cultures, family groups are larger and the old are more likely to live with the younger generations. I think America faced issues similar to these in the early 20th century, although it was easier for us because of America’s traditional emphasis on freedom and individuality. I believe the ideals are changing more slowly over the course of Asian urbanization because Confucian values support the upward generational cycle)
Timbo de Sosa has a B.A. in Chinese Language and Literature from the University of California, Irvine. He is currently working in Taipei.